Behold the power of my procrastination: Recipes for scones and homemade alfredo sauce

Unfortunately I have no pictures of the food I made while studiously not writing my source analysis of the papal investiture contest, however, I come bearing recipes!

I made fettuccine alfredo with shrimp and tomatoes, twas divine. Next time I use asparagus with it. Yum!

Alfredo sauce:

In a large pan melt a stick of butter(unsalted). (Do this on low-ish heat). Pour in a pint of heavy cream (2 cups), bring to a boil. Simmer for five minutes, stirring constantly (you'll probably want to use a whisk), then add a whole wedge (about one and half cups) of freshly grated Parmesan cheese. Melt it in, salt and pepper to taste. Turn off heat.

Meanwhile, go ahead and boil your water for the fettuccine noodles and cook those suckers according to the package directions. 

Tomatoes and Shrimp part:

Melt down half a stick of butter in a medium sauce pan. Saute in a smallish, minced garlic clove (or more if you really like garlic or want to kill a vampire) Add about a half of cup of finely chopped parsley.  Cook that down on low-ish heat. Add a package of de-thawed, de-tailed shrimp. Salad shrimp works good for those of us on a budget. Get them all coated in the butter and then add the chopped tomatoes. Salt and pepper to taste.Turn the heat up a tad, stir it up a bit, cook until the concoction is warm. Then drain it (you don't want the liquid that is now collecting at the bottom your pan to water down your lovely alfredo sauce). 

By now your noodles are probably done. Drain those suckers and add 'em to the alfredo sauce, then dump in the shrimp and tomatoes. Turn the heat up a bit on that, mix it up and let it all warm up to the temperature you prefer (I like my food almost cold, so I'm not the one to ask about how hot. I served this lukewarm, so you might want to let it heat up longer than the three minutes I did ^.^). This whole dinner took me about thirty minutes to make, twas very easy. Getting the groceries was the hardest part :).

Scones:

Pre-heat your oven to 450 (however, my oven is electric and temperamental so I heated it to 350). In four cups of self rising flour) add 1/4 cup of unsalted butter, diced into likkle cubbies. Then in a separate bowl, mix a tablespoon of lemon juice into a cup and 2/3 of milk. Let sit for a minute so it curdles slightly. Then add the milk mixture to the flour and butter. Stir into a soft manageable dough. (I totally used my hands to grind up and mix in the butter). Then take the dough and knead it on a well-floured surface until it's nice and malleable and ball like in shape. Roll out dough until it is an inch thick and use a 2-inch cutter to punch out the scone rounds. Flop 'em onto a greased oven sheet and pop 'em in the oven for twenty minutes or until golden brown ( due to my oven's over all nastiness, to be sure they didn't burn, I flipped them over half way through the cook time). When done set them on a wire rack to cool (but not too long, yo, cuz hot scones are the bestest). The scones took about forty minutes with prep and cook time.

On a side note, I did not have self-rising flour, but it can be made thusly:

1. Using a dry measure, measure the desired amount of flour into a separate container.
2. For each cup of all-purpose flour, add 1 1/2 teaspoons of baking powder and 1/2 teaspoon of salt.
3. Mix to combine.

Fresh whipped topping:

Okay, you could use regular whipped cream that you buy from Cool-Whip, or you can make you own, which is thicker, creamier and all around more delicious.

I bought a half a pint of heavy whipping cream. Make sure that the bowl you are going to whip it in is nice and narrow and thoroughly chilled. Make sure your whipping cream is thoroughly chilled.  When everything is nice and cold, get out the whipping cream shake it like a crying baby that won't shut up and pour it into the chilled bowl. Add some sugar, I added a half a cup initially. Now whip that shit like it's going out of style. I used a whisk because I am too stubborn to use the electric beaters. Whisking the whipped cream is much easier if you place the whisk handle between your palms and rub it fast, like you're trying to keep your hands warm. Whipping the cream will take about ten to fifteen minutes and you may want some one to switch off with. Depending on how stiff and sweet you want the cream, add sugar accordingly. The stiffer the cream, the more sugar. I ended up using a cup and a half of sugar.

This seems like a lot of effort for whipped cream, but trust me it is so much more awesome and delicious than store bought stuff.


When the cream has been whipped, cut open you sconces and add jam and butter or whatever.

I bought a bag of frozen mixed berries and used that as a topping instead of jam. It was a hit. 

Go forth, cook it all up and get back to me.