R.A. Salvatore's Latest The Stowaway: Stone of Tymora

Okies peoples, I'm not sure if I mentioned this, so if I didn't, I am now, R.A. Salvatore wrote a YA novel with his son Geno set in the Forgotten Realms.

It is the story of a boy who is Chosen by Tymora, goddess of good fortune, to carry around her rock. A demon, for whatever reason, wants this rock and kills the boy's friends, family and probably his pet hamster (the kid doesn't really have a pet hamster although apparently he has a sooper speshul connection with chipmunks) and this demon will stop at nothing to get this presumably special rock. It's an heirloom, it's that special.

Anyways, the only reason I skimmed and laughed maniacally through   "read"  this "novel" was because Drizzt makes an appearance. It's a shameless way to get peoples to buy your son's overwrought, underwritten (more so than your own novels, which is hitting a new low might I add, but I digress) "YA" novel (honestly, I'd put this in the J easy readers section not the Young Adult, but whatev, I'm just a library assistant) and it worked. I bought it.

So Drizzt is in the entire "book" a total of six or seven pages and the "novel" goes something like this (it's also written in first person so by I, I mean  Maimon, the kid not obviously me...although I would make dark elf babies with Drizzt. Srsly, for reals) :
 
The Stowaway: Stone of Tymora by R.A. Salvatore & Son 

From where I was hiding, the elf, who wasn't  an elf because magically I could see through his disguise but really it wasn't that, it was my awesome intuition telling me he wasn't an elf after seeing him for only a minute, well, that elf who wasn't an elf looked at me with his piercing lavender orbs even though I was hiding pretty damn far from him,  I knew we were connected, destined if you will, to talk for a whole five minutes and this would lead to PROFOUND awesomeness in my life. Awesomeness I say.  Profoundity. I just knew it.

Zomg, Drizzt is teh bestest, he has fierce, piercing, flaming lavender eye-orbs and he is so badass he doesn't cry for dead people because it's selfish and this is profound and lifechanging and omg I love him and his awesomeness. I want to have little dark elf babies with him and huggles and kiss him every day, ahem, we talked and it was awesome and he didn't tell the captain of the ship I was a stowaway which miraculously lets me eventually become a crew member instead of just being thrown to the sharks and eaten and YAY YAY YAY blah blah blah blah blah blah Now I tell you my back story, insert cliche slaughter of my family blah blah blah cry blah blah blah elf chick in woods blah blah blah blah blah three pages later woods are on fire and no one seems to care blah blah blah O NOES ITS THE HALF-DEMON blah blah blah elf chick dies blah blah blah tears of angst blah blah blah some guy who miraculously could save me but not my village rescues me and we travel blah blah blah plot developments?  magic horse? blah blah blah dwarf and yet another elf chick who might be important in Baldur's Gate blah blah blah blah traveling, traveling, what appears to be character development for me blah blah blah blah OH NOES IT THE HALF-DEMON REPRISED  my mentor is dead, sobbing or something on my part blah blah blah back to the ships and Drizzt and ZOMG Drizzt is so awesome and he totally left to go on whatever quest he was on before and didn't say a word to me when he left he just gave me a look that said "I'll see you later, babycheeks" and this so means we have a connection and will apparently catch up with each other for the next book! Yays!
blah blah blah

Lol, if you totally took the time to read all text in bold, congratulations, you have now read The Stowaway: Stone of Tymora! Go add it to your "read" lists!

Usually, I am not this hard on a book, and considering who the writers were, I shouldn't have been surprised, but really, you're gonna sell this dreck to kids and presumably they will then read your adult books? Sorry RAS, but the only type of kid that is going to like this novel is the one who will google it for a book report, find my web entry and copy and past most of it into his paper. You should try again, with a little bit more plot and substance, kay? This had potential....well the proposal probably did, but this, this is awful. Kiddies, just read the Dark Elf Trilogy and be done with it.

Needless to say, I'm totally buying the next one. I am sick.