Knights of the Zodiac

So, I've been watching the DIC, highly edited for TV version of Saint Seiya retitled as Knights of the Zodiac.  And wow, I think the series is giving me brain contusions. But I can't stop. Granted, I can only take it in two episode increments to avoid too much cranial bleeding, but despite the being struck stupid almost every ten minutes, I'm in love. But really, I have no idea what is going on because the library is missing discs two and three, so in a span of eight episode somehow there are clones!?, an elf kid?, an island of doom and the princess has become Athena? Also, about ten characters have disappeared. 

Here are some highlights from my most recent viewings:

In one of the episodes, the saints are fighting the big bad guy called Docrates (who channels the power of Hercules and thus everytime he does an attack a really badly drawn bearded man with huge hair is super imposed over him and. he, um gets larger than his already large self). Docrates, who is not phased by having to fight four magic wielding, expertly trained knights, flees like a little girl because someone called the cops. 

Then, there's some sort of fight and freezing attack by Hyoga the Cygnet knight (complete with flashbacks to his training in Siberia where we see him and teh Crystal Knight (yum) kill a polar bear) and Docrates is literally pounding on the Swan's back yelling "Defrost me! Defrost me! Defrost me!" And then Hyoga/Swan lifts him up so his friends can kick him in the shins because according to their logic, this must be his weak spot because big guys have problems with their legs.  Oh and did I mention that I just noticed that when the Swan does an attack he flaps his arms like wings? Now, I think perhaps that all of their special moves are a real combat move, but they're so badly animated that, well, it looks like the Swan is flapping his wings.

In the next set of episodes:

The plot line revolves around the hijacking of an oil tanker. And everyone's first thought is ::gasp:: ZOMG THE FISH! O NOES WHATEVER SHALL WE DO! THE FISH!  and not the uh, the crew or anything, just the fish. And normally, I am all about the environment, but the wailing and crying about the fish is coming from the mouth of one of the knights that we have seen in a previous flashback, killing a polar bear. To learn his freezing fist attack.  Oh my. And then we get a pan to the baddies in their headquarters and the words out the wizardy looking guy's mouth (Gigas maybe?) are: "Well, I like the plan, but did she have to involve the fish? I like fish." 

So then our intrepid knights get to the oil tanker. There is bondage, kid you not. There is escap-ay from the bondage chains, charmingly referred to as handcuffs, but really, no they looked like props from the Inquisition's dungeon. And then there is fighting...and pirates show up. But not just any pirates, these pirates, for real, have the masted ships of yore. And cutlasses. Then, then to top it all off we find out that these aren't just pirates, they're phantom pirates.  This is a special attack of one of the bad guys.

I think my favorite line from this episode is a toss up between:

"We have to defeat these psychos. But can we do it without hurting the environment?" 

And:

"Letssss Ssssseee how you handle a sssssssea sssssserpent."

"And a really dangerous dolphin." (except this last line, isn't a joke.)