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Friends, I'd like to share with you an excerpt from Simon R. Green's The Man With The Golden Torc:
"There was something odd, something off, about the six scarlet cars as they crept up behind me...They were all long limousines with old-fashioned high tail fins, and they moved smoothly up alongside me, pacing me effortlessly like hunting cats...
These weren't cars. None of them were cars. These were CARnivores.
I'd read about them, heard about them from other agents, but I had never seen one close up before...CARnivores are sentient, meat-eating cars with attitude. Some say the originally came from some other dimension, where cars evolved to replace humans, and some say they evolved right here, ancient predators who'd learned to look like cars to prey on humans unnoticed. They stalk the motorways, following tired souls who drive alone in the early hours of the morning. The CARnivores close in, cut them off from the pack, and then choose a secluded spot and force their prey off the road. And then they feed..."
OMG, WTF, MATE?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lol, I love this book.* Simon R. Green's The Man With The Golden Torc is so unabashedly kitchsy, so weird, so fun that I can't really explain it. I mean, he's basically going for James Bond, but with supernatural things thrown in along with the power-mad arch-villians (yes, he kept those and added superheroes in tights and capes and everything). His mythology throws everything fantastic together and shakes them, not stirs. He is so over-the-top that during parts of the novel, like the CARnivores, my jaw hangs slack and it takes me a few moments to process what I just read. And then I laugh my ass off.
I really, really recommend this novel to anyone who is at all curios about what James Bond would do to a horde of elf lords and ladies riding vicious dragons down the highway (it isn't pretty). Or how James Bond would deal with aliens (you can have a guess). Or what he does with fairies (makes 'em drinking partners) or a million other things you never thought James Bond would have to deal with. This novel is, well, James Bond...with unicorns....and dragons....and sex droids from the future....and crystal balls....and demons...and witches...and crazy cultists...and crazy, hippie love machines...and man-eating cars...and flying saucers...and the MIB...and impregnated male presidents who should have known not to sleep with the succubus...and frozen holy water needle guns...and oh my, that's just the first 150 pages.
Oh man, I love this book.**
*I love it because I am immature, and the twelve-year-old kid in me thinks carnivorous cars are cool. I kinda still have the little kid syndrome of likig everything, all at once. I'm still the kind of person that will throw marsh mellows, peanut butter, chocolate, M&Ms, snickers, ice cream---chocolate, vanilla and strawberry, and licorice in a blender and consequences be damned, I'm gonna drink it and I'm gonna love it.
**This book is a really, really light read. I mean light, like insubstantial. It is short on substance and character development and plot; HOWEVER, it has man-eating cars AND unicorns in the same world. The little kid in my thinks this is unbelievably awesome while the adult in me wishes there was some more substance, but I end up ignoring the lack of substance because the little kid is already pointing to the next bit of shiny, unintended hilarity. If you like books with plot development and characters that are deep and believable, I recommend The Dresden files. If you like junk and aren't ashamed to admit it, I say, read this book with me! Do it now!
"There was something odd, something off, about the six scarlet cars as they crept up behind me...They were all long limousines with old-fashioned high tail fins, and they moved smoothly up alongside me, pacing me effortlessly like hunting cats...
These weren't cars. None of them were cars. These were CARnivores.
I'd read about them, heard about them from other agents, but I had never seen one close up before...CARnivores are sentient, meat-eating cars with attitude. Some say the originally came from some other dimension, where cars evolved to replace humans, and some say they evolved right here, ancient predators who'd learned to look like cars to prey on humans unnoticed. They stalk the motorways, following tired souls who drive alone in the early hours of the morning. The CARnivores close in, cut them off from the pack, and then choose a secluded spot and force their prey off the road. And then they feed..."
OMG, WTF, MATE?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lol, I love this book.* Simon R. Green's The Man With The Golden Torc is so unabashedly kitchsy, so weird, so fun that I can't really explain it. I mean, he's basically going for James Bond, but with supernatural things thrown in along with the power-mad arch-villians (yes, he kept those and added superheroes in tights and capes and everything). His mythology throws everything fantastic together and shakes them, not stirs. He is so over-the-top that during parts of the novel, like the CARnivores, my jaw hangs slack and it takes me a few moments to process what I just read. And then I laugh my ass off.
I really, really recommend this novel to anyone who is at all curios about what James Bond would do to a horde of elf lords and ladies riding vicious dragons down the highway (it isn't pretty). Or how James Bond would deal with aliens (you can have a guess). Or what he does with fairies (makes 'em drinking partners) or a million other things you never thought James Bond would have to deal with. This novel is, well, James Bond...with unicorns....and dragons....and sex droids from the future....and crystal balls....and demons...and witches...and crazy cultists...and crazy, hippie love machines...and man-eating cars...and flying saucers...and the MIB...and impregnated male presidents who should have known not to sleep with the succubus...and frozen holy water needle guns...and oh my, that's just the first 150 pages.
Oh man, I love this book.**
*I love it because I am immature, and the twelve-year-old kid in me thinks carnivorous cars are cool. I kinda still have the little kid syndrome of likig everything, all at once. I'm still the kind of person that will throw marsh mellows, peanut butter, chocolate, M&Ms, snickers, ice cream---chocolate, vanilla and strawberry, and licorice in a blender and consequences be damned, I'm gonna drink it and I'm gonna love it.
**This book is a really, really light read. I mean light, like insubstantial. It is short on substance and character development and plot; HOWEVER, it has man-eating cars AND unicorns in the same world. The little kid in my thinks this is unbelievably awesome while the adult in me wishes there was some more substance, but I end up ignoring the lack of substance because the little kid is already pointing to the next bit of shiny, unintended hilarity. If you like books with plot development and characters that are deep and believable, I recommend The Dresden files. If you like junk and aren't ashamed to admit it, I say, read this book with me! Do it now!
