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darkelf105Okay, so the The Legend of Drizzt has had it's own graphic retelling for awhile. And let me tell you, when Devil's Due Publishing dropped the comic for Homeland off on my doorstep, it was ♥. Tim Seely did an amazing job, it was quality stuff. I was so excited to see my favorite series redone as graphic novels.
All went well, it was gorgeous, I was a happy fanbunny.
And then one day, Devil's Due dropped off the first issue for The Chrystal Shard. I of course, suspected nothing, because when I eagerly opened the package, the cover had still been done by Tim Seely....but within, within was a horror of which I can barely speak without seeing red.
They switched artists, for whatever reason, Tim Seely was replaced by Val Semeiks. Mr. Semeiks has worked for Marvel and DC and did some of Conan. Now, Marvel and DC have done some fantastic things and some of their artists are terribly talented, but most of them, most of them, have no understanding of the human body and wouldn't draw a handsome man to save their lives, because I suspect, they belong to the little boys' club that thinks drawing handsome men might make them gay. Or so I suspect, by the lack of different types of men in their works. Women, too. There is like one mold, and only one, and that's it, there is no more to talk about. Well, needless to say, Drizzt bulked up and was almost the same fucking size as the fucking human barbarian. Drizzt is an ELF! AND ELF I FUCKING SAY.....Oh god, see how upset this makes me...even now thinking about it ::sobs::.
And not only did all of the characters bulk up tremendously, faces became inconsistent and um, well, OMG THE TUMOR CHIN. DRIZZT HAD A TUMOR CHIN. AND LETS NOT TALK ABOUT REGIS. HE LOOKED LIKE THE BLOODY MAN FROM HOUSE HARKONNEN FROM DUNE....UM, WHAZZITS NAME? I'M SO UPSET I CAN'T REMEMBER! Vladimir, Vladimir Harkonnen. I'm calm now, I'm calm. Anyway, Regis looked like Vladimir Harkonnen, the one that floats around in the chair because he's so massive. Yes, little Regis the Halfling, described by Salvatore as "cherubic", looked like Vladimir Harkonnen. And did I mention that Drizzt had a FREAKING TUMOR CHIN. And let's not even talk about Catti-brie's impossible boobs. I mean, they weren't just huge (she's an archer mind you), which they were, but they moved in impossible ways. As in, they were prominent in every panel she was in, no matter the improbability of her chest being so prominent. They were magic, scene stealing boobs.
One day, so you may all fully understand the angst and the horror that I, as a Drizzt Do'Urden fanbunny, was subjected to under Val Semeikis I will post panels for comparison.
But, it appears, at least for awhile, that the horror has ended....for it appears that for The Halfling's Gem, Tim Seely has returned. Now, this has been known for awhile but I, having been so despondent and bitter, have not been ordering the comics. That's right, it was so bad, that I did not buy them. Me! Me! I did not buy them.
So, in conclusion. Let us celebrate, because for the time being, Drizzt has lost his tumor (turned out to be benign) and is now back to being an elf. Huzzah!
All went well, it was gorgeous, I was a happy fanbunny.
And then one day, Devil's Due dropped off the first issue for The Chrystal Shard. I of course, suspected nothing, because when I eagerly opened the package, the cover had still been done by Tim Seely....but within, within was a horror of which I can barely speak without seeing red.
They switched artists, for whatever reason, Tim Seely was replaced by Val Semeiks. Mr. Semeiks has worked for Marvel and DC and did some of Conan. Now, Marvel and DC have done some fantastic things and some of their artists are terribly talented, but most of them, most of them, have no understanding of the human body and wouldn't draw a handsome man to save their lives, because I suspect, they belong to the little boys' club that thinks drawing handsome men might make them gay. Or so I suspect, by the lack of different types of men in their works. Women, too. There is like one mold, and only one, and that's it, there is no more to talk about. Well, needless to say, Drizzt bulked up and was almost the same fucking size as the fucking human barbarian. Drizzt is an ELF! AND ELF I FUCKING SAY.....Oh god, see how upset this makes me...even now thinking about it ::sobs::.
And not only did all of the characters bulk up tremendously, faces became inconsistent and um, well, OMG THE TUMOR CHIN. DRIZZT HAD A TUMOR CHIN. AND LETS NOT TALK ABOUT REGIS. HE LOOKED LIKE THE BLOODY MAN FROM HOUSE HARKONNEN FROM DUNE....UM, WHAZZITS NAME? I'M SO UPSET I CAN'T REMEMBER! Vladimir, Vladimir Harkonnen. I'm calm now, I'm calm. Anyway, Regis looked like Vladimir Harkonnen, the one that floats around in the chair because he's so massive. Yes, little Regis the Halfling, described by Salvatore as "cherubic", looked like Vladimir Harkonnen. And did I mention that Drizzt had a FREAKING TUMOR CHIN. And let's not even talk about Catti-brie's impossible boobs. I mean, they weren't just huge (she's an archer mind you), which they were, but they moved in impossible ways. As in, they were prominent in every panel she was in, no matter the improbability of her chest being so prominent. They were magic, scene stealing boobs.
One day, so you may all fully understand the angst and the horror that I, as a Drizzt Do'Urden fanbunny, was subjected to under Val Semeikis I will post panels for comparison.
But, it appears, at least for awhile, that the horror has ended....for it appears that for The Halfling's Gem, Tim Seely has returned. Now, this has been known for awhile but I, having been so despondent and bitter, have not been ordering the comics. That's right, it was so bad, that I did not buy them. Me! Me! I did not buy them.
So, in conclusion. Let us celebrate, because for the time being, Drizzt has lost his tumor (turned out to be benign) and is now back to being an elf. Huzzah!
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no subject
on 2008-07-02 09:55 pm (UTC)Don't know the work, but I feel like I do now. Magic scene stealing boobs and tumor chins--elf violation to be sure.
no subject
on 2008-07-02 11:24 pm (UTC)*Okay, who am I kidding, I am shallow, but my points about the artist and his relationship to bodies, in particular muscles that don't exist and boobs that defy the laws of physics and probability are still valid.
I don't know that I would recommend this series to anyone anymore....I love it because it's the first thing I've ever fangirled and really, really connected with.
Although, I do think that The Dark Elf Trilogy more than stands on its own as an exemplar of the dungeon crawl sub-genre of fantasy and it has a lot of good literary stuff going on....but only if you're sixteen. I actually got to teach the first book, Homeland in school when I won an essay contest my teacher made us do about what book we would have school kids our age read and why.
no subject
on 2008-07-02 11:27 pm (UTC)Zomg, I am so surprised that the Elf Police of Pretty didn't come and break Val Semeiks's fingers for that. That's at least one violation of an elf must be more beautiful than any human and another of an elf but be ridiculous but not in his looks AND another for the scene stealing boobies for taking scenes away from the elf. At the very leat, three violations. They hang men for that in some parts of Elfland.
no subject
on 2008-07-02 11:39 pm (UTC)...and slurp up their blood through a crystal straw. LOL
no subject
on 2008-07-02 11:37 pm (UTC)So if your analysis/interest makes you shallow, I suppose my hesitation makes me...a snob. ;P
Sigh. Unfortunately we all grow past sixteen. (Thank God!) It is a tragedy and a blessing all at once.
no subject
on 2008-07-02 11:51 pm (UTC)And they brought their Marvel/DC comic art issues to MY Drizzt books. Awful, awful.
As you can tell, I was so distressed. Still am. Lol, I'm such a dork.